Sunday, July 6, 2025

RAPP Radio Presents Timesesh: February 2, 2024

I work at a marketing agency called RAPP, which is closely aligned with DDB, originally known as Doyle Dane Bernbach, the Chicago advertising agency behind Volkswagen's 1959 "Think Small" campaign, among others. (RAPP is named after one of its cofounders, Stan Rapp, so the all-caps styling is pointless, but RAPP is the best place I've ever worked, so if Mr. Rapp wants his name to be shouted, I'll happily do his bidding.)

In the fall of '23 a creative director in the New York office wanted to come up with a way to encourage RAPPers to complete and submit their time sheets every Friday afternoon. I suggested bringing back RAPP Radio, which started in the summer of '22 as a way to share music with interns over Microsoft Teams, with a different employee acting as DJ each week, but its signal faded out by the end of the year.

RAPP Radio Presents Timesesh, the spin-off, made its debut on February 2 last year and is still being broadcast almost 18 months later—to approximately 30 listeners week in, week out, admittedly, but they're a loyal bunch, and those who've DJed have introduced me to songs I doubt I would've heard otherwise. Plus, many of them have gone above and beyond with the visual component of their DJ sessions, especially when compared to my PowerPoint slides, which I've included below along with write-ups I placed in the Teams chat for each song, radio ad, and otherwise.

I love the connections songs make in people's hearts and minds, just as I love the connections I've made with my fellow RAPPers.


Welcome to RAPP Radio Presents Timesesh!

I'm DJ Cassanova. Make no mistake: I have no idea how to talk to women [insert standard DJ air-horn noise here], and I never will. But my last name is Cass, and my first car was a Chevy Nova, and I do like LeVert's 1987 classic "Casanova."

I've got qualifications, y'all.

RAPP Radio was created by Rhia Newman* in 2022, and she's been gracious enough to allow us to infringe on her copyright. Thank you, Rhia!

It's three o'clock on the east coast, two on the midwest coast, so grab an adult beverage if you'd like and LET'S START DOIN' TIME!


Dolly Parton, "9 to 5" (1980)
(written by Dolly Parton; produced by Gregg Perry)

"In the same boat with a lot of your friends / Waiting for the day your ship'll come in / And the tide's gonna turn / And it's all gonna roll your way ..."

The theme song to the hit film starring Parton, Jane Fonda, and Lily Tomlin, "9 to 5" reached the top of Billboard's pop, country, and adult-contemporary charts in early '81, forcing Sheena Easton's song of the same name, which had already been a top-five smash in the UK, to be retitled "Morning Train (Nine to Five)" when it was released as a single in the U.S. that February. Easton's song also went to number one on the pop and adult-contemporary charts. But did it use a typewriter as a percussion instrument? Advantage: Dolly!


(written and produced by Dennis Lambert and Brian Potter)

"So, baby, leave a little time / 'Cause you never know what's on my mind ..."

It only takes a minute to fall in love, according to Tavares. Does it only take a minute to fill out your time sheet? No, it does not, which is why we've blocked off a full hour for RAPP Radio Presents Timesesh just to be on the safe side.

The Tavares brothers—Butch, Chubby, Pooch, Tiny, and Ralph (he was the oldest brother, so I guess he reserved the right to not have a nickname)—hail from Providence, Rhode Island, and, in addition to "It Only Takes a Minute," scored hits with 1976's "Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel" and, from 1977's Saturday Night Fever soundtrack album, "More Than a Woman," written by the Bee Gees.


(written by Larry James, Anthony Middleton, and Lawrence Taylor; produced by James)

"Now is the time for you to be somebody / Be anything you wanna be / This is your chance to become someone / Here comes your opportunity ..."

You probably guessed from the opening notes that this isn't a cover of the Beatles' song of the same name.

Fat Larry's Band formed in Philadelphia and released eight albums between 1976 and '86, achieving chart success in the UK with songs such as "Act Like You Know" and "Zoom," both from 1982's Breakin' Out, which also features a favorite of mine called "Traffic Stoppers." (They broke up after drummer and bandleader Larry James died of a heart attack in December of '87 at the age of 38.)


Al Jarreau, "Moonlighting" [Extended Remix] (1987)
(written by Lee Holdridge and Al Jarreau; produced by Nile Rodgers)

"There is the sun and moon / They sing their own sweet tune / Watch them when dawn is due / Sharing one space ..."

Moonlighting, a one-of-a-kind comedy-drama-mystery-romance series starring Cybill Shepherd and Bruce Willis, aired on ABC from 1985 to '89 and finally made it into the streaming era last October via Hulu. If you've never seen this show I highly recommend it, along with pretty much everything Al Jarreau (1940-2017), a.k.a. Milwaukee's best, ever sang. His theme song for Moonlighting was released as a single in the summer of '87, at the peak of the show's popularity; this "extended remix" allows the versatile jazz-pop-R&B singer to show off his considerable scattin' skills.

(In case the seven-inch-single paper sleeve on your screen has you doing a double take, no, Jarreau didn't also sing the theme song to The Golden Girls, which, like Moonlighting, debuted on TV in '85. That was Cynthia Fee, covering Andrew Gold's 1978 single "Thank You for Being a Friend.")

BONUS USELESS TRIVIA! In the fall of '87, ABC premiered Dolly Parton's short-lived variety show, Dolly. The third episode featured a guest appearance by Bruce Willis, who at the time was a few weeks away from shooting Die Hard, his catapult from TV stardom into movie stardom (which meant a lot more back then than it does now, of course).


(written by Sam Dees, Joey Gallo, Bubba Knight, Gladys Knight, and Rickey Smith; produced by Smith)

"Darling, don't stay away too long / Pretty baby, save the overtime for me ..."

RAPPers, please save the overtime for your moonlighting gig—Oasys won't allow you to list more than 40 hours on your time sheet each week.

Long before "Save the Overtime (for Me)" topped Billboard's R&B chart in 1983, Gladys Knight & the Pips racked up multiple hits in the '60s and '70s, including "I Heard It Through the Grapevine," "If I Were Your Woman," "Midnight Train to Georgia" (woo-woo!), "Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me," and the memorably titled "Daddy Could Swear, I Declare."


Time to pay the bills at RAPP Radio!

The director of The Exorcist, William Friedkin, grew up in Chicago's Edgewater neighborhood, where I've lived since 2016, and attended Edgewater's Senn High School in the 1950s alongside Philip Kaufman, who directed another of the Me Decade's scariest movies, the 1978 remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

The narrator of this ad is Percy Rodriguez, a Canadian actor who also provided bone-chilling voice-overs for the radio and TV spots promoting Steven Spielberg's Jaws 18 months after The Exorcist broke box-office records.


(trad., arr. by Hugh Burns, Marsha Hunt, and Steve Rowland; produced by Rowland)

"Let's get the rhythm with the hands / Now we got the rhythm with the hands / Let's get the rhythm with the feet / Now we got the rhythm with the feet ..."

Yes, thank God it's Friday, but it doesn't have to be "the beast day" if you get your time sheet turned in on time.

My wife remembers singing this folk song, for lack of a better term—I've also heard it described as a jump-rope song—in Girl Scouts in the early '70s, but as she said, "We definitely didn't sing this funky arrangement."

According to some sources, including herself, Marsha Hunt was the inspiration for the Rolling Stones' 1971 song "Brown Sugar"; she's the mother of Mick Jagger's first child, Karis.


The Time, "Jerk Out" (1990)
(written and produced by the Time)

"I got real bored on a Friday night / I couldn't find a damn thing to do / So I pulled out a suit about the same color / As my BMW ..."

The Time was a seven-member band from Minneapolis—Jerome Benton, Morris Day, Jimmy Jam, Jellybean Johnson, Jesse Johnson, Terry Lewis, and Monte Moir—whose producer, Prince, unofficially wrote and performed the bulk of their first three albums. You could say he had time on his hands, but he was a genius who knew how to play almost any instrument, so who was going to argue with him?

Prince also contributed heavily to the band's fourth album, Pandemonium, but on "Jerk Out" the Time get to show their stuff as musicians. When they decided to reunite for a new album 21 years later, Prince refused to let them use their original name, which he owned, so the Time became the Original 7ven.


(written by Eric Frederic, Melissa Jefferson, Blake Slatkin, Theron Thomas, et al.; produced by Ricky Reed and Slatkin)

"Oh, I've been so down and under pressure / I'm way too fine to be this stressed, yeah ..."

Look, Lizzo's the one who's saying it's about damn time you filled out your time sheet—don't get mad at me.

Aaaaaaaand at almost the half-hour mark, this playlist has officially entered the current century! Thank you, thank you so much. Is it obvious I spend a lot of time dwelling on the past?

That was a rhetorical question, but can we talk flute? Lizzo plays the flute. And I love hearing the flute in popular music. You heard some pretty aggressive flute-playing a little earlier in "(Oh, No! Not) The Beast Day," but Lizzo employs a softer touch on her postpandemic floor filler "About Damn Time." What do you call the sound a flute makes? A "pip"? Well, that's what I'm going with, so pip on, Lizzo, pip on!


(written by Rod Temperton; produced by Quincy Jones)

"And if we stay together / We'll feel the rhythm of the evening taking us up high / Never mind the weather / We'll be dancing in the street until the morning light ..."

"Give Me the Night" was my favorite song growing up. Four decades later it probably still is, because first impressions often make lasting impressions when it comes to music, if you ask me. And when I first heard "About Damn Time" two years ago, I thought it had a similar groove. Don't worry, I won't be suing Lizzo on behalf of the late songwriter Rod Temperton (see: Marvin Gaye's estate v. Robin Thicke, Marvin Gaye's cowriter's estate v. Ed Sheeran). Just sayin' is all ...

George Benson, just like Al Jarreau, is a cat who knows how to scat, and in 2006 the two legends teamed up for the album Givin' It Up, featuring guest appearances by Patti Austin, Paul McCartney, and Jill Scott.


(written and produced by Rupert Holmes)

"Before the dawn begins to shine its hazy blue light / Let's get crazy tonight ..."

This single (with flute accompaniment!) comes from Rupert Holmes's 1978 album Pursuit of Happiness, not 1980's Adventure, so the album cover on your screen is misleading, but, to me, it's a perfect example of how MTV and music videos changed the game for many artists one year after Adventure landed on record-store shelves. Image became everything, so if your most recent LP's cover photo made you look like a suburban dentist getting ready to attend a classy Memorial Day barbecue, you were out of luck. Then again, Holmes was a smart, savvy singer-songwriter à la Randy Newman who'd probably had his fill of pop fame after his most famous tune, "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)," went to number one on the Billboard Top 40 in the final week of '79.

After he released the album Full Circle in '81, Holmes turned to writing for the theater: his 1985 musical The Mystery of Edwin Drood won five Tony Awards, including Best Musical and, for Holmes, Best Book of a Musical and Best Original Score.


(written and produced by Papas Fritas)

"Maybe you're afraid that the time's not right / And there's no end for you in sight / We've got all night ..."

Actually, we don't have all night for you to fill out your time sheet. I don't mean to alarm you, but please be mindful of the time.

The indie-pop trio Papas Fritas—Shivika Asthana, Keith Gendel, and Tony Goddess—met at Tufts University in Massachusetts in the early '90s and released three terrific albums between '95 and 2000. "We've Got All Night" comes from their second LP, Helioself (1997), but if you'd like to read an exhausting—I mean, exhaustive—oral history of their self-titled debut, I know a guy who can help you out.



It's time to pay some more bills at RAPP Radio.

"Do you hear the cries of pleading mothers or the screaming of young men about to be dragged out to sea? It might be more than just your imagination." Whoa, what's this guy selling?

This spot for American Airlines won a Clio Award for Best Use of Sound. And which agency created it, you ask? A small Chicago outfit named Doyle Dane Bernbach, more commonly known today as DDB.


(written by Carole King and Toni Stern; produced by Jack Daugherty)

"It's going to take some time this time / No matter what I've planned / But like the young trees in the wintertime / I'll learn how to bend ..."

Yes, it's going to take some time to fill out your time sheet. Again, that's why we've blocked out this hour. We're here to help at RAPP Radio Presents Timesesh.

Now, no offense to Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford (how often do you hear those two names in the same sentence?), but they're carpenters. Sibling superstars Karen and Richard, on the other hand, are Carpenters!

Carole King cowrote "It's Going to Take Some Time" and recorded it for her 1971 album Music, but just as the Carpenters made "(They Long to Be) Close to You" their own—it was originally sung by actor Richard Chamberlain in 1963 when he was starring on the NBC medical drama Dr. Kildare—they also add a certain something to King's tune. Could that certain something be the flute? Yes, it could! But the Carpenters' arrangement of King's song is also just plain pretty. Soothe me, sibling superstars ...


The Weeknd, "Out of Time" (2022)
(written by Daniel Lopatin, Abel Tesfaye, et al.; produced by Oscar Holter, Lopatin, Max Martin, and Tesfaye)

"Say, 'I love you, girl,' but I'm out of time / Say, 'I'm there for you,' but I'm out of time ..."

No no no, you're not out of time—you're almost out of time, so get that time sheet filled out. Alas, five o'clock waits for no one.

From the Weeknd's fifth album, Dawn FM, comes "Out of Time," which samples Tomoko Aran's 1983 song "Midnight Pretenders," an example of the Japanese genre called city pop. Similar to Percy Rodriguez and our own Rhia Newton and Joy Knight, the Weeknd, née Abel Tesfaye, is Canadian. But that's where the similarities end, because I'm pretty sure neither Rhia, Joy, nor Mr. Rodriguez ever played a shady cult leader in a short-lived TV series (HBO's The Idol, in the Weeknd's case). If you can prove otherwise, though, please let us know here in the chat.

By the way, happy Groundhog Day! Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow earlier today, which means spring is on the way. That's great and everything, but I predicted he would see his shadow—I lost a $5,000 bet because of that wily woodland creature!


The Brand New Heavies, "World Keeps Spinning" (1994)
(written by Jan Kincaid; produced by the Brand New Heavies)

"So, have faith in future love / 'Cause there's heaven up above / When we think we've reached the end / The world keeps on spinning ..."

"World Keeps Spinning" is misspelled as "Worlds Keep Spinning" on most versions of this English acid-jazz group's third album, but as Sting once sang, on a track from the Police's Ghost in the Machine (1981), "One world is enough for all of us." So, let's be good to each other—a little bit of kindness goes a long way.

On that note, can anyone loan me $5,000? I promise I'll pay you back in the spring, which would be months and months away from now if not for a certain groundhog's erratic behavior.


"Tree Tips" PSA

Hey, do as this public service announcement from the '70s says and plant a tree, New Yorkers! (Naturally, we're perfect little environmentalists here in Chicago. Why would you think otherwise?)


Todd Rundgren, "Where Does the Time Go?" (2000)
(written and produced by Todd Rundgren)

"Where does the time go when I'm with you? / Why does it seem like there's never enough? ..."

Well, we've reached the end of this installment of RAPP Radio Presents Timesesh. Where did the time go? It flew, most likely. It often does.

This track from Todd Rundgren's album One Long Year was supposedly recorded in '85, but it stayed in his vaults for the next 15 years. Is Todd God? Some of his fans in the '70s thought so—you heard his top-five hit "Hello It's Me," from 1972's Something/Anything?, in the background of that "Tree Tips" PSA—but thanks to Friday-afternoon drive-time radio, he may be best known for 1982's "Bang the Drum All Day." You don't want to work? You want to bang the drum all day? Todd feels your pain—and, luckily, once you turn in that time sheet, your workweek will be over and you can bang the drum all weekend.

Thank you for listening! If you'd like to hear most of this playlist on Spotify, click here. And if you'd like to hear what Spotify doesn't have from that playlist, including "(Oh, No! Not) The Beast Day" and the Moonlighting theme with its original sax solo and not a harmonica solo, let me know and I can send those MP3s your way.

Have a great weekend!

* Names of RAPPers have been changed to protect the innocent just in case the innocent don't want to find their names on a random blog during a random Google search.

Thursday, March 13, 2025

Downtown Doobie Bounce

I don't think I'd heard the term "the Doobie Bounce" before I watched Yacht Rock: A Dockumentary on Max last December, even though in December 2010 I wrote a post on this blog about how Dave Grusin borrowed the keyboard riff from the Doobie Brothers' "What a Fool Believes" (1978) for the chorus of Michael Franks's "Coming Home to You," the theme song to the 1982 Al Pacino movie Author! Author!

After my wife and I finished the yacht-rock documentary, I found a playlist on Spotify named "The Doobie Bounce," featuring more than 50 songs that similarly borrow the "What a Fool Believes" riff, including Robbie Dupree's "Steal Away," which I expected (Robbie, notice how I keep using the word "borrow"? Never admit you stole anything!), but also at-least-to-me surprises like Jackson Browne's "Somebody's Baby" and 21st-century selections like Breakbot's "One Out of Two" and Dayglow's "Close to You."

"Coming Home to You," for which Alan and Marilyn Bergman provided the lyrics to complement Dave Grusin's melody, didn't make the list, but "Now That Your Joystick's Broke," which Michael Franks wrote himself and recorded in '83 after being a singer for hire for the soundtrack of Author! Author!, did.

Another tune that didn't make the list is Tom Monroe's cover of Petula Clark's 1964 hit "Downtown"—and that's because Tom Monroe is a fictional singer played by Rick Moranis on SCTV. In the same July 1981 episode in which he does an impression of Michael McDonald rushing to a recording studio to add his backing vocals to Christopher Cross's "Ride Like the Wind," Moranis performs "Downtown" with a distinctive Doobie Bounce. (Skip to the 2:05 mark in the video below, or treat yourself to Mr. Monroe's easy-listening covers of the Vapors' "Turning Japanese" and the Police's "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da" before he begins bouncin'.)


Monday, November 25, 2024

a loaded question

Shawn Mendes recently released his fifth album, Shawn, which features him shaggy and shirtless on the cover. Is he intentionally trying to look like John Holmes, the 1970s porn-movie superstar and one of the inspirations for Mark Wahlberg's character in Boogie Nights?

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

It's a good day to solve a musical mystery, if not to die hard.

Die Hard was a hit almost as soon as it arrived in theaters in July 1988, but it didn't have an accompanying soundtrack album. In 2002 the Varèse Sarabande label issued a CD containing 21 cuts from Michael Kamen's score for the movie, but it left out memorable song selections like Run-D.M.C.'s "Christmas in Hollis" (1987), which is played as the protagonist, John McClane (Bruce Willis), arrives at Nakatomi Plaza near the beginning of the film, and Vaughn Monroe's "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" (1945), which we hear as McClane figuratively rides off into the sunset at the end.

Nine years later a different, unofficial version of the Die Hard soundtrack was released, presumably as a bootleg, by a label called Archival Records. It's difficult to find much information about it online now, but it has 51 tracks spread out over two CDs—CD-Rs, technically—and it's the only version of the film's soundtrack, as far as I can tell, including the two deluxe versions released by La-La Land Records in 2011 (38 tracks, two CDs) and 2018 (74 tracks, three CDs), that credits the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra with the performance of "Ode to Joy," from Beethoven's 9th Symphony, that plays over Die Hard's end credits.


I've loved that performance ever since I first saw Die Hard on videotape in 1989, but every other version of the soundtrack album implies that the Hollywood Studio Symphony, conducted by Kamen, is responsible for it. But when you consider that two pieces of Die Hard's score in the final minutes of the movie are temp-track selections from the scores of Aliens (1986) and Man on Fire (1987)—composed by James Horner and John Scott, respectively—that director John McTiernan reportedly left in because he wasn't satisfied with what Kamen came up with for those moments, you start to wonder if the rousing end-credits rendition of "Ode to Joy" is also Kamen free.

At first I thought a 1977 LP with the Berlin Philharmonic's name on it might be the source of the performance in question, but according to a blog called Chronological Scores/Soundtracks, the "Ode to Joy" heard in Die Hard comes from a compilation called The Best of Beethoven.

The listing for this compilation at Amazon and other sites initially led me to believe that the Westminster Concert Orchestra is performing all of the selections, as does this cut on YouTube:


For the first minute of the track, as well as the final minute and 35 seconds, it does sound exactly like the version played during Die Hard's closing credits, at least to my ears. So, is the Westminster Concert Orchestra the answer to this mystery?

Unfortunately, I can't find any evidence of that orchestra being credited on anything past 1962, and The Best of Beethoven was first issued in '82, apparently. Also, the final track, "Symphony No. 9 in C 'Choral' Finale," i.e., "Ode to Joy," is listed on Discogs.com as being performed by the Bamberg Philharmonic Orchestra and Chorus (and may have been recorded as far back as '75).

However, Discogs says that particular orchestra is "fictitious" and "probably invented by Alfred Scholz." And who might he be? "A prolific producer of budget recordings," states the site, "who fraudulently sold recordings credited with non-existing artists and orchestras. Sometimes the names of real people were given credit for performances which were not theirs."

Maybe that's why no performer is listed for "Ode to Joy" in Die Hard's end credits or on most releases of its soundtrack album, even ones like the three-disc 30th-anniversary edition, which otherwise has extensive liner notes. Unlike Hans Gruber, the movie's villain, so memorably played by the late Alan Rickman, Scholz wasn't "an exceptional thief," but like Gruber, he may have been a con man easily bored by questions of morals and ethics.

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Comma Chameleon is a man without conviction (the legal kind, at least).

The U.S. Army is the main client of RAPP, the marketing agency where I've worked since November 2019. For a Fiscal Year 2024 kickoff meeting last October, each team—Account, Strategy, Tech, etc.—was asked to reintroduce itself to the others with a presentation of some sort.

I suggested to my team, Creative, that we riff on G.I. Joe action-figure "cardbacks" from the '80s; we manifested our AI-enabled, comic-book-like images via Freepik.com. I'm glad I was able to generate a tough-looking version of myself with no more than five fingers on each hand, but my faux Joe is right-handed, unlike his real-life southpaw counterpart, and he chicken-scratches with two penknives—"that are both pens and knives," FYI—in his dominant hand for no apparent reason other than that G.I. Joe is a real American hero, and Americans will always fight for the right to have more than they need.

Thursday, September 28, 2023

the bronze bachelor

Gerry Turner, the for-all-y'all-older-single-ladies star of The Golden Bachelor, looks like what Donald Trump thinks he looks like until, you know, he looks in the mirror.

I bet Trump has dreams in which he's the Bachelor—he doesn't look a day over 76, obviously, so perish the thought that he'd ever be cast as the out-of-shape, past-his-prime Golden Bachelor—but all of the hot female contestants reject him instead of the other way around. He tries to pull lifelike, Mission: Impossible-style masks off their faces to reveal that they're actually Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell, E. Jean Carroll, etc., in disguise, but every time he does he gets a glass of Champagne thrown in his face, forcing him to readjust his combover and reapply his makeup.

What a nightmare.

You could argue that an alternate version of that nightmare would involve the contestants pulling off their masks to reveal that they're Ivanka Trump—but somehow I don't think that'd be such a nightmare for her dad.

Wednesday, July 5, 2023

"Get it right the first time" isn't my motto when I interpret song lyrics.

A bottle of white, a bottle of red
Perhaps a bottle of rosé instead …

Who can forget the opening lines of Billy Joel's classic 1977 song "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant," the tale of a singing waiter who also happens to play piano—which must be why it takes him an eternity of seven and a half minutes to deliver two bottles of wine that aren't rosé to a couple who probably weren't all that interested in the first place in hearing his sob story about some other couple named Brenda and Eddie.

Piano Man, you may have a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack when you read your restaurant's latest Yelp reviews and realize your customers don't love you just the way you are.

Friday, March 24, 2023

There are multiple Hellboys, but there's only one Ron Perlman.

I am the Hellboy ...

Ron Perlman, star of Hellboy (2004)
and Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

They are the Hellboy ... 

David Harbour, star of the 2019 Hellboy reboot

Deadpool 2's Jack Kesy, recently cast as Hellboy
in a second reboot

I am the walrus ... 

Perlman in the BBC series The Capture (2019-present)

Goo goo g'joob.

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

a Russian doll with a glass eye and a beard made of yarn

Natasha Lyonne's character in Russian Doll refers to herself in the Netflix series's first season as what might've happened "if Andrew Dice Clay and the little girl from Brave made a baby."

Maybe. But I think the proud parents would've been Peter Falk and the Muppets' Animal (especially if you factor in Lyonne's starring role in another streaming series, Peacock's upcoming, Columbo-esque Poker Face).

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Sing to the Lord a semi-new psalm ...

Sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the whole earth.

Sing to the Lord and bless His name;
proclaim the good news of His salvation from day to day.

Declare His glory among the nations
and His wonders among all peoples.

For great is the Lord and greatly to be praised;
He is more to be feared than all gods.

But we can tell you're not in awe;
it's obvious you couldn't care less.

You think it's easy being God?
Then why don't you climb up to heaven and do the job yourself?

There's so much paperwork involved;
you'd start losing your mind in 60 seconds flat.

You try keeping up with eight billion people
while trying to solve the population-control crisis with "natural" disasters.

All He wants is a little respect,
and doesn't respect usually come with a little fear?

Tuesday, August 2, 2022

pitches for new James Cameron documentaries

Starting with Piranha II: The Spawning in 1982 and ending with True Lies in '94, James Cameron directed six feature films in a dozen years. His follow-up to True Lies, 1997's Titanic, broke box-office records and won 11 Academy Awards, including Best Picture and Best Director. But over the next dozen years, Cameron directed only one other feature film, 2009's Avatar, which ended up breaking Titanic's box-office records.

He did, however, direct two deep-sea documentaries in the meantime: Ghosts of the Abyss (2003) and Aliens of the Deep (2005). Both nonfiction films' titles echo those of previous fiction films of Cameron's: respectively, 1989's The Abyss and 1986's Aliens, the first of many sequels and prequels to, and spin-offs of, 1979's Alien.

But Cameron still has two titles from his pre-Titanic days that haven't been exploited yet. I think the following documentary would be an excellent addition to the Discovery Channel's "Shark Week" event next year:

The Terminator of Other Fish and Sometimes People

Has Cameron ever thought about making a film that can be shown in sex-education classes? Here's a water-based idea:

'You Can’t Get Pregnant If You Do It in a Pool' ... and Other True Lies

Unlike the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico in 2010, I don't remember the Montara oil spill off the coast of western Australia in '09 getting a ton of press coverage in this part of the Northern Hemisphere. But I think at least one documentary-title pitch for Cameron should acknowledge the post-True Lies phase of his career, so how about ...

'Ave a Tar Fish, Mate: The Untold Story of the Gusher Down Under

It doesn't hurt that Tar Fish also happen to be piranha-like creatures in the video game Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat, recalling the low-budget roots of Cameron's filmography. But I'm hoping "'Ave a Tar Fish, Mate" will cost upwards of $200 million for no reason whatsoever. You can't go home again.

Avatar: The Way of Water, the first of four planned sequels to the 2009 original—actually, I guess you can go home again (and again and again and again)—is set to be released this December, eight years after it was originally announced to hit theaters, because it takes a lot of expensive, state-of-the-art computer animation to make water look wet.

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

pride (in the name of dumb)

The Proud Boys have been disrupting drag queens' "story hour" readings for children at public libraries during Pride Month.

Fine, Proud Boys—you're the proudest, gayest boys in all the land. But somehow I doubt my proclamation will make you live happily ever after.

May I suggest the next stop on your itinerary? Stand back and stand by to get more than you bargained for when you visit Queens. The Boyle Avenue Runners protect their own.

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Joel Schumacher's subtext wasn't lost on me.

When I saw The Lost Boys for the first time ten years ago, a few months ahead of its 25th anniversary, one particular detail stuck out: Corey Haim's character has a poster of Rob Lowe on his bedroom wall.

Director Joel Schumacher's previous movie, St. Elmo's Fire (1985), included Lowe in its ensemble cast, so you could argue the poster is an inside joke of some sort, but why would Haim's character have that poster? In 1987 no major studio was going to imply that one of the teen-heartthrob stars of its latest summer blockbuster was playing a latent homosexual — God forbid — but Schumacher was gay and, like most talented people, had a sense of humor.

In my imagination Schumacher overheard Haim say something childishly homophobic on the set, then told the film's production designer, "Find a pinup of Rob Lowe and stick it on Corey's bedroom wall. Better yet, stick it on the door of his bedroom closet. Corey won't give it a second thought until after the movie comes out and he starts receiving some unexpected fan mail."

Saturday, January 1, 2022

Rise, Andrew Lewis Caldwell!

If Will Arnett and Jack Black were no longer living, I'd say Andrew Lewis Caldwell was the resurrection of both. Instead, he's an actor in The Matrix: Resurrections, the recently released fourth film in the series, who looks and sounds a bit like both of them.

Or he's just a collection of ones and zeros, but I don't currently have the data to back up that claim.

Tuesday, November 2, 2021

unclipped

"Microsoft is bringing Clippy back to Microsoft Teams," reports Vox Media, "after first resurrecting the annoying paperclip two years ago and then killing it off after a few days."

So, next Easter, when your preacher declares that Christ the Lord is risen again, be sure to shout, "Hey, just like Clippy!"

Saturday, October 23, 2021

Awards are meaningless, so why shouldn't their names be meaningless too?

I noticed recently that someone I briefly knew 20 years ago calls himself an "Emmy-winning writer" on his website. But his Emmy—a local Emmy, from what I can tell—is for a children's TV show produced somewhere in the midwest.

That's why I now demand that everyone refer to me as an Ermy-winning writer.

What's an Ermy, you ask?

Whoopee Goldbird, yet another illustrious EGOD winner
An award you don't have, obviously.

I'm actually an EGOD winner: Ermy, Granny, Ozkar, and Dony. Yep, just me, Mike Nickels, Marvin Hamlet, Audrey Heartburn, Pat Morita Moreno, and a few awe-inspiring others.

I'm in good fictional company.

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Where do broken tweets go?

When Twitter permanently suspended President Trump's account on Friday, January 8, many people's "quote tweets," including mine, were suddenly devoid of context. 

There are no words for such a tragedy.

But thanks to the Trump Twitter Archive, context has been restored, allowing me to waste precious hours of my life transferring roughly six dozen of the soon-to-be-ex-president's tweets, and my responses to those tweets, to this blog. 

Let the record show that no one will ever request access to this record. Nevertheless ...

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Nov 15, 2016 · 9:55 PM EST
Very organized process taking place as I decide on Cabinet and many other positions. I am the only one who knows who the finalists are!

Nov 16, 2016 · 11:30 AM CST
"Finalists" — so exciting! Can't wait for the series premiere of "The Celebrity Apprentice: Long National Nightmare Edition."

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Nov 27, 2016 · 7:31 PM EST
Serious voter fraud in Virginia, New Hampshire and California - so why isn't the media reporting on this? Serious bias - big problem!


Dec 2, 2016 · 3:43 PM CST
The president-elect is actually Barron Trump, who said, “I wish I was big,” to a Zoltar machine on 6/15/15. (Fact-free tweets are fun!)

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Dec 9, 2016 · 2:42 PM EST
Join me live in Louisiana! Tomorrow, we need you to go to the polls & send John Kennedy to the U.S. Senate. https://t.co/O0jtz0BKeL

Dec 9, 2016 · 10:15 PM CST
Did Trump go back in time and brainwash JFK, then bring him forward in time? I still don't trust the president-elect, but I am impressed.

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Dec 28, 2016 · 9:07 AM EST
Doing my best to disregard the many inflammatory President O statements and roadblocks.Thought it was going to be a smooth transition - NOT!


Dec 29, 2016 · 4:22 PM CST
Yeah, at this point I don't think "President O" really cares if he gets that security deposit back, sir.

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Jan 10, 2017 · 8:19 PM EST
FAKE NEWS - A TOTAL POLITICAL WITCH HUNT!


Jan 11, 2017 · 9:41 PM CST
My god, he's right!


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Jan 11, 2017 · 7:48 AM EST
Intelligence agencies should never have allowed this fake news to "leak" into the public. One last shot at me.Are we living in Nazi Germany?


Jan 11, 2017 · 10:49 AM CST
No, we're not living in Nazi Germany. But Fascist Italy? Well ...


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Jan 13, 2017 · 5:49 AM EST
All of my Cabinet nominee are looking good and doing a great job. I want them to be themselves and express their own thoughts, not mine!


Jan 13, 2017 · 10:11 AM CST
I'm surprised he didn't add, "Have fun out there, you guys!"

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Jan 14, 2017 · 8:07 AM EST
mention crime infested) rather than falsely complaining about the election results. All talk, talk, talk - no action or results. Sad!


Jan 14, 2017 · 7:01 PM CST
For a second there I thought Trump was being self-critical. Silly me! And now back to all trash-talk, all the time ...

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Jan 15, 2017 · 2:00 PM EST
For many years our country has been divided, angry and untrusting. Many say it will never change, the hatred is too deep. IT WILL CHANGE!!!!


Jan 15, 2017 · 10:29 PM CST
That sounds nice, but your watering can is filled with gasoline, sir, which is a problem.

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Jan 16, 2017 · 8:54 AM EST
Celebrate Martin Luther King Day and all of the many wonderful things that he stood for. Honor him for being the great man that he was!


Jan 16, 2017 · 9:05 AM CST
“P.S. I don't read books, but I've heard King's 'Where Do We Go From Here: Chaos or Community?' is super. (Spoiler alert: the answer's A.)"

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Jan 17, 2017 · 8:05 AM EST
People are pouring into Washington in record numbers. Bikers for Trump are on their way. It will be a great Thursday, Friday and Saturday!


Jan 17, 2017 · 10:02 AM CST
Good to know that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have finally made the switch to motorcycles. Progress!

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Jan 22, 2017 · 9:23 AM EST
Peaceful protests are a hallmark of our democracy. Even if I don't always agree, I recognize the rights of people to express their views.


Jan 22, 2017 · 11:02 AM CST
The Russian or the 14-year-old or the "somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds" who wrote that tweet would be a good president.

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Jan 29, 2017 · 4:49 PM EST
...Senators should focus their energies on ISIS, illegal immigration and border security instead of always looking to start World War III.


Jan 30, 2017 · 9:22 AM CST
Merriam-Webster defines projection as "the attribution of one's own ideas, feelings, or attitudes to other people or to objects."

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Jan 31, 2017 · 6:21 AM EST
Nancy Pelosi and Fake Tears Chuck Schumer held a rally at the steps of The Supreme Court and mic did not work (a mess)-just like Dem party!


Jan 31, 2017 · 10:29 AM CST
You claimed your mic didn't work at the first debate, yet you still won the election. I'm feeling good about the midterms now. Thanks, sir!

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Feb 2, 2017 · 6:13 AM EST
If U.C. Berkeley does not allow free speech and practices violence on innocent people with a different point of view - NO FEDERAL FUNDS?


Feb 2, 2017 · 1:07 PM CST
You misspelled "hate" as "free," Mr. President.

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Feb 2, 2017 · 6:18 AM EST
Congratulations to Rex Tillerson on being sworn in as our new Secretary of State. He will be a star!

Feb 2, 2017 · 9:27 AM CST
And you will be his Svengali!

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Feb 3, 2017 · 6:24 AM EST
Yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger did a really bad job as Governor of California and even worse on the Apprentice...but at least he tried hard!


Feb 4, 2017 · 8:55 AM CST
"The Celebrity Apprentice," now hosted by Schwarzenegger, wouldn't exist if the original "Apprentice's" ratings hadn't fallen a decade ago.

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Feb 4, 2017 · 8:12 AM EST
The opinion of this so-called judge, which essentially takes law-enforcement away from our country, is ridiculous and will be overturned!


Feb 4, 2017 · 1:36 PM CST
"When you're a star, they let you do it. Grab them by the p—y. You can do anything." Lady Justice isn't that kind of girl, sir.

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Feb 4, 2017 · 7:48 PM EST
The judge opens up our country to potential terrorists and others that do not have our best interests at heart. Bad people are very happy!


Feb 4, 2017 · 11:15 PM CST
We opened up our country to someone without our best interests at heart last November, and ever since many of us have been terrified.

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Feb 6, 2017 · 9:33 PM EST
The failing @nytimes was forced to apologize to its subscribers for the poor reporting it did on my election win. Now they are worse!


Feb 7, 2017 · 7:18 AM CST
The following encore grievance of "The Government Apprentice" originally aired 1/28. (It was aired again on 2/4. And now, yet again ...)

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Feb 10, 2017 · 8:35 AM EST
The failing @nytimes does major FAKE NEWS China story saying "Mr.Xi has not spoken to Mr. Trump since Nov.14." We spoke at length yesterday!


Feb 10, 2017 · 12:22 PM CST
If you want a broadsheet that can automatically update itself*, sir, read USA Today: http://bit.ly/2kuIR0D. (*Available starting in 2054.)



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Feb 13, 2017 · 9:57 PM EST
Congratulations Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin! #ICYMI- watch here: https://t.co/RPsmw4yD7y

Feb 13, 2017 · 10:47 PM CST
Love these congratulatory banners for your Cabinet picks! Are you available for children's birthday parties? No? What about Michael Flynn?

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Feb 15, 2017 · 7:19 AM EST
Information is being illegally given to the failing @nytimes & @washingtonpost by the intelligence community (NSA and FBI?).Just like Russia


Feb 15, 2017 · 12:52 PM CST
"And why is the failing @nytimes considered the world's greatest newspaper? Was there a vote? Did millions vote illegally? I want answers."

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Feb 15, 2017 · 6:59 PM EST
Venezuela should allow Leopoldo Lopez, a political prisoner & husband of @liliantintori (just met w/ @marcorubio) out of prison immediately.


Feb 16, 2017 · 7:14 AM CST
You and Vice President Pence look like you just apprehended Ms. Tintori. She's Venezuelan, not Mexican, guys. Calm down.

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Feb 16, 2017 · 9:39 AM EST
The Democrats had to come up with a story as to why they lost the election, and so badly (306), so they made up a story - RUSSIA. Fake news!


Feb 16, 2017 · 12:20 PM CST
To paraphrase Kevin Arnold in the pilot episode of "The Wonder Years": "I don't want to kiss Russia! I don't even like Russia!"

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Feb 17, 2017 · 6:15 PM EST
"One of the most effective press conferences I've ever seen!" says Rush Limbaugh. Many agree.Yet FAKE MEDIA calls it differently! Dishonest


Feb 18, 2017 · 3:03 PM CST
Do you and Rush ever have sleepovers and stay up all night debating which of you is the least racist, least anti-Semitic person you know?

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Feb 19, 2017 · 4:57 PM EST
My statement as to what's happening in Sweden was in reference to a story that was broadcast on @FoxNews concerning immigrants & Sweden.


Feb 20, 2017 · 11:15 AM CST
"Life is demanding without understanding ..." —Ace of Base, "The Sign" (1993)

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Feb 24, 2017 · 10:09 PM EST
FAKE NEWS media knowingly doesn't tell the truth. A great danger to our country. The failing @nytimes has become a joke. Likewise @CNN. Sad!


Feb 24, 2017 · 10:13 PM CST
Many years from now, when you're all grown up, you may regret some of the things you said as president of the United States of America.

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Feb 25, 2017 · 7:25 AM EST
Maybe the millions of people who voted to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN should have their own rally. It would be the biggest of them all!


Feb 25, 2017 · 8:10 PM CST
Technically, the Popular Vote Rally would have 2,868,519 more attendees, but I prefer rallies with lots of elbow room, so count me in!

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Feb 25, 2017 · 4:53 PM EST
I will not be attending the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner this year. Please wish everyone well and have a great evening!


Feb 25, 2017 · 8:41 PM CST
Did you tell Steve and Vladimir it's not on a school night? Handlers can be so unfair.

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Feb 26, 2017 · 6:33 AM EST
The race for DNC Chairman was, of course, totally "rigged." Bernie's guy, like Bernie himself, never had a chance. Clinton demanded Perez!


Feb 26, 2017 · 8:50 AM CST
If only Bernie's guy had had Russia on his side ...

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Mar 3, 2017 · 11:41 AM EST
Weekly Address Join me here: https://t.co/SEavQK5zy5


Mar 3, 2017 · 4:19 PM CST
You drew Steve Bannon's face on your thumb and forefinger so he'd always be close by, didn't you?

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Mar 3, 2017 · 3:48 PM EST
We must fix our education system for our kids to Make America Great Again. Wonderful day at Saint Andrew in Orlando.


Mar 3, 2017 · 4:53 PM CST
Earlier today you tweeted, "Nick Adams new book, Green Card Warrior, is a must read." Set an example for kids by fixing your punctuation.

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Mar 4, 2017 · 7:02 AM EST
How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!


Mar 4, 2017 · 7:00 AM CST
... said the guy who keeps a Nixon-style "enemies list": http://usat.ly/2fCJyls.

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Mar 6, 2017 · 6:49 PM EST
There is an incredible spirit of optimism sweeping the country right now—we're bringing back the JOBS!


Mar 6, 2017 · 9:40 PM CST
I agree! A new iPhone designed by a reanimated Steve Jobs would distract the country from your presidency for several minutes, "the Donald."

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Mar 13, 2017 · 8:52 AM EST
It is amazing how rude much of the media is to my very hard working representatives. Be nice, you will do much better!


Mar 13, 2017 · 2:40 PM CST
I certainly wouldn't be able to keep a straight face while parroting your lies to millions of viewers. Better you than me, Sean et al.!

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Mar 13, 2017 · 9:11 AM EST
ObamaCare is imploding. It is a disaster and 2017 will be the worst year yet, by far! Republicans will come together and save the day.


Mar 13, 2017 · 1:50 PM CST
"Save the day"? I know you think you're the Iron Man of the group, but with Bannon in the mix, you're just the Hulk minus a conscience.

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Mar 15, 2017 · 7:02 AM EST
Can you imagine what the outcry would be if @SnoopDogg, failing career and all, had aimed and fired the gun at President Obama? Jail time!


Mar 15, 2017 · 10:03 PM CST
If everything (e.g., Snoop, Schwarzenegger, non-right-wing newspapers and cable-news networks) is failing, is anything failing?

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Mar 15, 2017 · 7:29 AM EST
Looking forward to a big rally in Nashville, Tennessee, tonight. Big crowd of great people expected. Will be fun!


Mar 16, 2017 · 10:33 AM CST
You correctly placed a comma after the state's name in a sentence with a city-state combo? Respect, yo ... until this tweet ends, at least.

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Mar 20, 2017 · 6:49 AM EST
The Democrats made up and pushed the Russian story as an excuse for running a terrible campaign. Big advantage in Electoral College & lost!


Mar 20, 2017 · 1:50 PM CST
Is that chip on your shoulder a souvenir from one of your failed casinos?

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Mar 25, 2017 · 10:37 AM EST
ObamaCare will explode and we will all get together and piece together a great healthcare plan for THE PEOPLE. Do not worry!


Mar 25, 2017 · 1:30 PM CST
On March 7, 11, and 13 you tweeted that Obamacare was "imploding." Don't try to claim it's Opposite Day, because that was November 8.

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Mar 26, 2017 · 9:04 PM EST
General Kelly is doing a great job at the border. Numbers are way down. Many are not even trying to come in anymore.


Mar 27, 2017 · 5:25 PM CST
I haven't been drugged, raped, or killed by a Mexican even once since you took office, President Trump. Thank you!

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Apr 17, 2017 · 8:07 AM EST
"The first 90 days of my presidency has exposed the total failure of the last eight years of foreign policy!" So true. @foxandfriends


Apr 17, 2017 · 3:28 PM CST
Did President Trump just agree with one of his own quotes? "Sure looks like it." That's what I thought, @rwcass. #metamonday

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Apr 17, 2017 · 8:13 AM EST
A great book for your reading enjoyment: "REASONS TO VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS" by Michael J. Knowles.

Apr 17, 2017 · 3:18 PM CST
"I seriously doubt that Trump has ever read a book straight through in his adult life." —Tony Schwartz (http://bit.ly/29TM1s3)

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Apr 19, 2017 · 8:43 AM EST
Dems failed in Kansas and are now failing in Georgia. Great job Karen Handel! It is now Hollywood vs. Georgia on June 20th.


Apr 20, 2017 · 1:24 PM CST
Thanks for the update, Mr. Hollywood, but leave my home state alone.

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Apr 20, 2017 · 9:48 AM EST
Failing @nytimes, which has been calling me wrong for two years, just got caught in a big lie concerning New England Patriots visit to W.H.


Apr 20, 2017 · 1:27 PM CST
Bigger than the lie your good friend Bill O'Reilly was telling for 15 years? Doubtful.

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Apr 20, 2017 · 3:33 PM EST
We're going to use American steel, we're going to use American labor, we are going to come first in all deals.


Apr 21, 2017 · 11:38 PM CST
"Ask any of my wives, they'll you — I know everything there is to know about coming first."

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Apr 21, 2017 · 6:50 AM EST
No matter how much I accomplish during the ridiculous standard of the first 100 days, & it has been a lot (including S.C.), media will kill!


Apr 21, 2017 · 11:41 PM CST
If "it" really was "a lot," you wouldn't be pointing out the one major thing you've accomplished since January 21, you big baby.

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Apr 23, 2017 · 3:48 PM EST
New polls out today are very good considering that much of the media is FAKE and almost always negative. Would still beat Hillary in .....


Apr 24, 2017 · 11:06 PM CST
"Would still beat Hillary in popular vote." You misunderstand "still" as an adverb, making me wish I were the adjective: "free from noise." 

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Apr 24, 2017 · 1:11 PM EST
Join me in congratulating @NASA's @AstroPeggy by using the hashtag #CongratsPeggy! Earlier today:... https://t.co/AUdJgxXiT4


Apr 24, 2017 · 12:34 PM CST
She knew before the call that you're president now, right? If not, that's a rude "Planet of the Apes"-level prank to play on someone, sir.

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Apr 28, 2017 · 10:40 PM EST
.@LouDobbs just stated that "President Trump's successes are unmatched in recent presidential history" Thank you Lou!


May 5, 2017 · 11:30 AM CST
"recent presidential history" = January 21, 2017-present

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May 1, 2017 · 3:29 PM EST
This month we celebrate the contributions of Asian Americans & Pacific Islanders that enrich our Nation.


May 5, 2017 · 11:53 AM CST
"Next month we celebrate the end of the non-American Asian nation of North Korea. Remember, nothing lasts forever except the next 4 years."

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May 4, 2017 · 7:02 AM EST
The Fake News media is officially out of control. They will do or say anything in order to get attention - never been a time like this!


May 5, 2017 · 12:49 PM CST
The new season of "House of Cards" debuts later this month, but "Pot Is the New Kettle and Both Are Black" is available to stream right now.

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May 18, 2017 · 7:52 AM EST
This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!


May 18, 2017 · 1:51 PM CST
"Politicians are all talk and no action. It's true. All talk — it's all bullshit." —Donald J. Trump, 4/12/14 (http://cs.pn/2rjwA5B)

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May 28, 2017 · 8:45 AM EST
....it is very possible that those sources don't exist but are made up by fake news writers. #FakeNews is the enemy!


May 30, 2017 · 7:20 AM CST
"Donald Trump masqueraded as publicist to brag about himself" —headline on the Washington Post's website, 5/13/16

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May 31, 2017 · 6:09 AM EST
Who can figure out the true meaning of "covfefe" ??? Enjoy!


May 31, 2017 · 10:57 AM CST
I assumed you meant "coverage." I also assumed the Ambien kicked in quicker than usual.

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May 31, 2017 · 9:08 AM EST
I will be announcing my decision on the Paris Accord over the next few days. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!


May 31, 2017 · 11:19 AM CST
"Minus New York and California, of course, since they'll be underwater soon, but they didn't vote for me anyway, so f**k 'em."

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Jun 1, 2017 · 6:50 PM EST
My job as President is to do everything within my power to give America a level playing field. #AmericaFirst


Jun 2, 2017 · 10:30 AM CST
Of course you care about the environment — no U.S. president has been more full of fertilizer or more willing to spread it around the globe.

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Jun 5, 2017 · 9:49 AM EST
Pathetic excuse by London Mayor Sadiq Khan who had to think fast on his "no reason to be alarmed" statement. MSM is working hard to sell it!


Jun 5, 2017 · 9:25 AM CST
Sounds like someone is jealous of a leader who actually can think fast. For more on your thought process ... 



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Jun 30, 2017 · 8:55 AM EST
Watched low rated @Morning_Joe for first time in long time. FAKE NEWS. He called me to stop a National Enquirer article. I said no! Bad show


Jun 30, 2017 · 12:37 PM CST
Thanks to you, the show's already high ratings were even higher today. For an example of a low rating, click here: https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/trump-approval-ratings/….

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Aug 7, 2017 · 7:18 AM EST
Hard to believe that with 24/7 #Fake News on CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, NYTIMES & WAPO, the Trump base is getting stronger!


Aug 8, 2017 · 1:38 PM CST
Pretending to be two people by talking to yourself on Twitter (again) doesn't mean the "base" is expanding, sir.

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Aug 7, 2017 · 8:01 AM EST
...conquests, how brave he was, and it was all a lie. He cried like a baby and begged for forgiveness like a child. Now he judges collusion?


Aug 8, 2017 · 1:50 PM CST
For what it's worth, Mr. President, I judge your collusion to be sloppy but entertaining. (Thank you for finally 'fessing up, by the way.)

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Aug 8, 2017 · 7:11 AM EST
I will be holding a major briefing on the Opioid crisis, a major problem for our country, today at 3:00 P.M. in Bedminster, N.J.


Aug 8, 2017 · 2:03 PM CST
"FOX & FRIENDS also just said United Airlines murdered a dog, so I'll be holding a major briefing on that major problem too. #ruffstuff"

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Aug 17, 2017 · 2:45 PM EST
Study what General Pershing of the United States did to terrorists when caught. There was no more Radical Islamic Terror for 35 years!


Aug 18, 2017 · 12:31 PM CST
Fast-forward to 115 years from now: "Study what President Trump of the United States did. There was no more United States."

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Apr 13, 2018 · 8:01 AM EST
James Comey is a proven LEAKER & LIAR. Virtually everyone in Washington thought he should be fired for the terrible job he did-until he was, in fact, fired. He leaked CLASSIFIED information, for which he should be prosecuted. He lied to Congress under OATH. He is a weak and.....


Apr 13, 2018 · 1:45 PM CST
Weren't those Russian prostitutes proven leakers five years ago? I don't see you condemning them. (If they told you, "Camera add 20 pounds to your manly physique, Mr. 'Apprentice,'" then they're proven liars too.)

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Jun 26, 2018 · 8:17 AM EST
A Harley-Davidson should never be built in another country-never! Their employees and customers are already very angry at them. If they move, watch, it will be the beginning of the end - they surrendered, they quit! The Aura will be gone and they will be taxed like never before!


Jun 26, 2018 · 12:53 PM CST
This 1984 Serge Gainsbourg song is probably the closest you're going to get to agreeing with the French on something: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc6tt9vkHEY.



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Jun 26, 2018 · 10:40 AM EST
SUPREME COURT UPHOLDS TRUMP TRAVEL BAN. Wow!


Jun 26, 2018 · 1:09 PM CST
DONALD TRUMP IS PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Wow! Sigh. Uggghhh ...