So, next Easter, when your preacher declares that Christ the Lord is risen again, be sure to shout, "Hey, just like Clippy!"
Tuesday, November 2, 2021
Saturday, October 23, 2021
What's an Ermy, you ask?
|Whoopee Goldbird, yet another illustrious EGOD winner|
Tuesday, January 19, 2021
Very organized process taking place as I decide on Cabinet and many other positions. I am the only one who knows who the finalists are!
Nov 16, 2016 · 11:30 AM CST
"Finalists" — so exciting! Can't wait for the series premiere of "The Celebrity Apprentice: Long National Nightmare Edition."
Serious voter fraud in Virginia, New Hampshire and California - so why isn't the media reporting on this? Serious bias - big problem!
Dec 2, 2016 · 3:43 PM CST
The president-elect is actually Barron Trump, who said, “I wish I was big,” to a Zoltar machine on 6/15/15. (Fact-free tweets are fun!)
Join me live in Louisiana! Tomorrow, we need you to go to the polls & send John Kennedy to the U.S. Senate. https://t.co/O0jtz0BKeL
Dec 9, 2016 · 10:15 PM CST
Did Trump go back in time and brainwash JFK, then bring him forward in time? I still don't trust the president-elect, but I am impressed.
Dec 28, 2016 · 9:07 AM EST
Doing my best to disregard the many inflammatory President O statements and roadblocks.Thought it was going to be a smooth transition - NOT!
Dec 29, 2016 · 4:22 PM CST
Yeah, at this point I don't think "President O" really cares if he gets that security deposit back, sir.
FAKE NEWS - A TOTAL POLITICAL WITCH HUNT!
Jan 11, 2017 · 9:41 PM CST
My god, he's right!
Jan 11, 2017 · 7:48 AM EST
Intelligence agencies should never have allowed this fake news to "leak" into the public. One last shot at me.Are we living in Nazi Germany?
Jan 11, 2017 · 10:49 AM CST
No, we're not living in Nazi Germany. But Fascist Italy? Well ...
Jan 13, 2017 · 5:49 AM EST
All of my Cabinet nominee are looking good and doing a great job. I want them to be themselves and express their own thoughts, not mine!
Jan 13, 2017 · 10:11 AM CST
I'm surprised he didn't add, "Have fun out there, you guys!"
Jan 14, 2017 · 8:07 AM EST
mention crime infested) rather than falsely complaining about the election results. All talk, talk, talk - no action or results. Sad!
Jan 14, 2017 · 7:01 PM CST
For a second there I thought Trump was being self-critical. Silly me! And now back to all trash-talk, all the time ...
Jan 15, 2017 · 2:00 PM EST
For many years our country has been divided, angry and untrusting. Many say it will never change, the hatred is too deep. IT WILL CHANGE!!!!
Jan 15, 2017 · 10:29 PM CST
That sounds nice, but your watering can is filled with gasoline, sir, which is a problem.
Celebrate Martin Luther King Day and all of the many wonderful things that he stood for. Honor him for being the great man that he was!
Jan 16, 2017 · 9:05 AM CST
“P.S. I don't read books, but I've heard King's 'Where Do We Go From Here: Chaos or Community?' is super. (Spoiler alert: the answer's A.)"
Jan 17, 2017 · 8:05 AM EST
People are pouring into Washington in record numbers. Bikers for Trump are on their way. It will be a great Thursday, Friday and Saturday!
Jan 17, 2017 · 10:02 AM CST
Good to know that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have finally made the switch to motorcycles. Progress!
Peaceful protests are a hallmark of our democracy. Even if I don't always agree, I recognize the rights of people to express their views.
Jan 22, 2017 · 11:02 AM CST
The Russian or the 14-year-old or the "somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds" who wrote that tweet would be a good president.
Jan 29, 2017 · 4:49 PM EST
...Senators should focus their energies on ISIS, illegal immigration and border security instead of always looking to start World War III.
Jan 30, 2017 · 9:22 AM CST
Merriam-Webster defines projection as "the attribution of one's own ideas, feelings, or attitudes to other people or to objects."
Jan 31, 2017 · 6:21 AM EST
Nancy Pelosi and Fake Tears Chuck Schumer held a rally at the steps of The Supreme Court and mic did not work (a mess)-just like Dem party!
Jan 31, 2017 · 10:29 AM CST
You claimed your mic didn't work at the first debate, yet you still won the election. I'm feeling good about the midterms now. Thanks, sir!
Feb 2, 2017 · 6:13 AM EST
If U.C. Berkeley does not allow free speech and practices violence on innocent people with a different point of view - NO FEDERAL FUNDS?
Feb 2, 2017 · 1:07 PM CST
You misspelled "hate" as "free," Mr. President.
Feb 2, 2017 · 6:18 AM EST
Congratulations to Rex Tillerson on being sworn in as our new Secretary of State. He will be a star!
Feb 2, 2017 · 9:27 AM CST
And you will be his Svengali!
Feb 3, 2017 · 6:24 AM EST
Yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger did a really bad job as Governor of California and even worse on the Apprentice...but at least he tried hard!
Feb 4, 2017 · 8:55 AM CST
"The Celebrity Apprentice," now hosted by Schwarzenegger, wouldn't exist if the original "Apprentice's" ratings hadn't fallen a decade ago.
Feb 4, 2017 · 8:12 AM EST
The opinion of this so-called judge, which essentially takes law-enforcement away from our country, is ridiculous and will be overturned!
Feb 4, 2017 · 1:36 PM CST
"When you're a star, they let you do it. Grab them by the p—y. You can do anything." Lady Justice isn't that kind of girl, sir.
Feb 4, 2017 · 7:48 PM EST
The judge opens up our country to potential terrorists and others that do not have our best interests at heart. Bad people are very happy!
Feb 4, 2017 · 11:15 PM CST
We opened up our country to someone without our best interests at heart last November, and ever since many of us have been terrified.
Feb 6, 2017 · 9:33 PM EST
The failing @nytimes was forced to apologize to its subscribers for the poor reporting it did on my election win. Now they are worse!
Feb 7, 2017 · 7:18 AM CST
The following encore grievance of "The Government Apprentice" originally aired 1/28. (It was aired again on 2/4. And now, yet again ...)
Feb 10, 2017 · 8:35 AM EST
The failing @nytimes does major FAKE NEWS China story saying "Mr.Xi has not spoken to Mr. Trump since Nov.14." We spoke at length yesterday!
Feb 10, 2017 · 12:22 PM CST
If you want a broadsheet that can automatically update itself*, sir, read USA Today: http://bit.ly/2kuIR0D. (*Available starting in 2054.)
Feb 13, 2017 · 10:47 PM CST
Love these congratulatory banners for your Cabinet picks! Are you available for children's birthday parties? No? What about Michael Flynn?
Feb 15, 2017 · 7:19 AM EST
Information is being illegally given to the failing @nytimes & @washingtonpost by the intelligence community (NSA and FBI?).Just like Russia
Feb 15, 2017 · 12:52 PM CST
"And why is the failing @nytimes considered the world's greatest newspaper? Was there a vote? Did millions vote illegally? I want answers."
Feb 15, 2017 · 6:59 PM EST
Venezuela should allow Leopoldo Lopez, a political prisoner & husband of @liliantintori (just met w/ @marcorubio) out of prison immediately.
Feb 16, 2017 · 7:14 AM CST
You and Vice President Pence look like you just apprehended Ms. Tintori. She's Venezuelan, not Mexican, guys. Calm down.
Feb 16, 2017 · 9:39 AM EST
The Democrats had to come up with a story as to why they lost the election, and so badly (306), so they made up a story - RUSSIA. Fake news!
Feb 16, 2017 · 12:20 PM CST
To paraphrase Kevin Arnold in the pilot episode of "The Wonder Years": "I don't want to kiss Russia! I don't even like Russia!"
Feb 17, 2017 · 6:15 PM EST
"One of the most effective press conferences I've ever seen!" says Rush Limbaugh. Many agree.Yet FAKE MEDIA calls it differently! Dishonest
Feb 18, 2017 · 3:03 PM CST
Do you and Rush ever have sleepovers and stay up all night debating which of you is the least racist, least anti-Semitic person you know?
Feb 19, 2017 · 4:57 PM EST
My statement as to what's happening in Sweden was in reference to a story that was broadcast on @FoxNews concerning immigrants & Sweden.
Feb 20, 2017 · 11:15 AM CST
"Life is demanding without understanding ..." —Ace of Base, "The Sign" (1993)
Feb 24, 2017 · 10:09 PM EST
FAKE NEWS media knowingly doesn't tell the truth. A great danger to our country. The failing @nytimes has become a joke. Likewise @CNN. Sad!
Feb 24, 2017 · 10:13 PM CST
Many years from now, when you're all grown up, you may regret some of the things you said as president of the United States of America.
Feb 25, 2017 · 7:25 AM EST
Maybe the millions of people who voted to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN should have their own rally. It would be the biggest of them all!
Feb 25, 2017 · 8:10 PM CST
Technically, the Popular Vote Rally would have 2,868,519 more attendees, but I prefer rallies with lots of elbow room, so count me in!
Feb 25, 2017 · 4:53 PM EST
I will not be attending the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner this year. Please wish everyone well and have a great evening!
Feb 25, 2017 · 8:41 PM CST
Did you tell Steve and Vladimir it's not on a school night? Handlers can be so unfair.
Feb 26, 2017 · 6:33 AM EST
The race for DNC Chairman was, of course, totally "rigged." Bernie's guy, like Bernie himself, never had a chance. Clinton demanded Perez!
Feb 26, 2017 · 8:50 AM CST
If only Bernie's guy had had Russia on his side ...
Mar 3, 2017 · 11:41 AM EST
Weekly Address Join me here: https://t.co/SEavQK5zy5
Mar 3, 2017 · 4:19 PM CST
You drew Steve Bannon's face on your thumb and forefinger so he'd always be close by, didn't you?
Mar 3, 2017 · 3:48 PM EST
We must fix our education system for our kids to Make America Great Again. Wonderful day at Saint Andrew in Orlando.
Mar 3, 2017 · 4:53 PM CST
Earlier today you tweeted, "Nick Adams new book, Green Card Warrior, is a must read." Set an example for kids by fixing your punctuation.
Mar 4, 2017 · 7:02 AM EST
How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!
Mar 4, 2017 · 7:00 AM CST
... said the guy who keeps a Nixon-style "enemies list": http://usat.ly/2fCJyls.
Mar 6, 2017 · 6:49 PM EST
There is an incredible spirit of optimism sweeping the country right now—we're bringing back the JOBS!
Mar 6, 2017 · 9:40 PM CST
I agree! A new iPhone designed by a reanimated Steve Jobs would distract the country from your presidency for several minutes, "the Donald."
Mar 13, 2017 · 8:52 AM EST
It is amazing how rude much of the media is to my very hard working representatives. Be nice, you will do much better!
Mar 13, 2017 · 2:40 PM CST
I certainly wouldn't be able to keep a straight face while parroting your lies to millions of viewers. Better you than me, Sean et al.!
Mar 13, 2017 · 9:11 AM EST
ObamaCare is imploding. It is a disaster and 2017 will be the worst year yet, by far! Republicans will come together and save the day.
Mar 13, 2017 · 1:50 PM CST
"Save the day"? I know you think you're the Iron Man of the group, but with Bannon in the mix, you're just the Hulk minus a conscience.
Mar 15, 2017 · 7:02 AM EST
Can you imagine what the outcry would be if @SnoopDogg, failing career and all, had aimed and fired the gun at President Obama? Jail time!
Mar 15, 2017 · 10:03 PM CST
If everything (e.g., Snoop, Schwarzenegger, non-right-wing newspapers and cable-news networks) is failing, is anything failing?
Mar 15, 2017 · 7:29 AM EST
Looking forward to a big rally in Nashville, Tennessee, tonight. Big crowd of great people expected. Will be fun!
Mar 16, 2017 · 10:33 AM CST
You correctly placed a comma after the state's name in a sentence with a city-state combo? Respect, yo ... until this tweet ends, at least.
Mar 20, 2017 · 6:49 AM EST
The Democrats made up and pushed the Russian story as an excuse for running a terrible campaign. Big advantage in Electoral College & lost!
Mar 20, 2017 · 1:50 PM CST
Is that chip on your shoulder a souvenir from one of your failed casinos?
Mar 25, 2017 · 10:37 AM EST
ObamaCare will explode and we will all get together and piece together a great healthcare plan for THE PEOPLE. Do not worry!
Mar 25, 2017 · 1:30 PM CST
On March 7, 11, and 13 you tweeted that Obamacare was "imploding." Don't try to claim it's Opposite Day, because that was November 8.
Mar 26, 2017 · 9:04 PM EST
General Kelly is doing a great job at the border. Numbers are way down. Many are not even trying to come in anymore.
Mar 27, 2017 · 5:25 PM CST
I haven't been drugged, raped, or killed by a Mexican even once since you took office, President Trump. Thank you!
Apr 17, 2017 · 8:07 AM EST
"The first 90 days of my presidency has exposed the total failure of the last eight years of foreign policy!" So true. @foxandfriends
Apr 17, 2017 · 3:28 PM CST
Did President Trump just agree with one of his own quotes? "Sure looks like it." That's what I thought, @rwcass. #metamonday
Apr 17, 2017 · 8:13 AM EST
A great book for your reading enjoyment: "REASONS TO VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS" by Michael J. Knowles.
Apr 17, 2017 · 3:18 PM CST
"I seriously doubt that Trump has ever read a book straight through in his adult life." —Tony Schwartz (http://bit.ly/29TM1s3)
Apr 19, 2017 · 8:43 AM EST
Dems failed in Kansas and are now failing in Georgia. Great job Karen Handel! It is now Hollywood vs. Georgia on June 20th.
Apr 20, 2017 · 1:24 PM CST
Thanks for the update, Mr. Hollywood, but leave my home state alone.
Apr 20, 2017 · 9:48 AM EST
Failing @nytimes, which has been calling me wrong for two years, just got caught in a big lie concerning New England Patriots visit to W.H.
Apr 20, 2017 · 1:27 PM CST
Bigger than the lie your good friend Bill O'Reilly was telling for 15 years? Doubtful.
Apr 20, 2017 · 3:33 PM EST
We're going to use American steel, we're going to use American labor, we are going to come first in all deals.
Apr 21, 2017 · 11:38 PM CST
"Ask any of my wives, they'll you — I know everything there is to know about coming first."
Apr 21, 2017 · 6:50 AM EST
No matter how much I accomplish during the ridiculous standard of the first 100 days, & it has been a lot (including S.C.), media will kill!
Apr 21, 2017 · 11:41 PM CST
If "it" really was "a lot," you wouldn't be pointing out the one major thing you've accomplished since January 21, you big baby.
Apr 23, 2017 · 3:48 PM EST
New polls out today are very good considering that much of the media is FAKE and almost always negative. Would still beat Hillary in .....
Apr 24, 2017 · 11:06 PM CST
"Would still beat Hillary in popular vote." You misunderstand "still" as an adverb, making me wish I were the adjective: "free from noise."
Apr 24, 2017 · 1:11 PM EST
Join me in congratulating @NASA's @AstroPeggy by using the hashtag #CongratsPeggy! Earlier today:... https://t.co/AUdJgxXiT4
Apr 24, 2017 · 12:34 PM CST
She knew before the call that you're president now, right? If not, that's a rude "Planet of the Apes"-level prank to play on someone, sir.
Apr 28, 2017 · 10:40 PM EST
.@LouDobbs just stated that "President Trump's successes are unmatched in recent presidential history" Thank you Lou!
May 5, 2017 · 11:30 AM CST
"recent presidential history" = January 21, 2017-present
May 1, 2017 · 3:29 PM EST
This month we celebrate the contributions of Asian Americans & Pacific Islanders that enrich our Nation.
May 5, 2017 · 11:53 AM CST
"Next month we celebrate the end of the non-American Asian nation of North Korea. Remember, nothing lasts forever except the next 4 years."
May 4, 2017 · 7:02 AM EST
The Fake News media is officially out of control. They will do or say anything in order to get attention - never been a time like this!
May 5, 2017 · 12:49 PM CST
The new season of "House of Cards" debuts later this month, but "Pot Is the New Kettle and Both Are Black" is available to stream right now.
May 18, 2017 · 7:52 AM EST
This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!
May 18, 2017 · 1:51 PM CST
"Politicians are all talk and no action. It's true. All talk — it's all bullshit." —Donald J. Trump, 4/12/14 (http://cs.pn/2rjwA5B)
May 28, 2017 · 8:45 AM EST
....it is very possible that those sources don't exist but are made up by fake news writers. #FakeNews is the enemy!
May 30, 2017 · 7:20 AM CST
"Donald Trump masqueraded as publicist to brag about himself" —headline on the Washington Post's website, 5/13/16
Who can figure out the true meaning of "covfefe" ??? Enjoy!
May 31, 2017 · 10:57 AM CST
I assumed you meant "coverage." I also assumed the Ambien kicked in quicker than usual.
May 31, 2017 · 9:08 AM EST
I will be announcing my decision on the Paris Accord over the next few days. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
May 31, 2017 · 11:19 AM CST
"Minus New York and California, of course, since they'll be underwater soon, but they didn't vote for me anyway, so f**k 'em."
Jun 1, 2017 · 6:50 PM EST
My job as President is to do everything within my power to give America a level playing field. #AmericaFirst
Jun 2, 2017 · 10:30 AM CST
Jun 5, 2017 · 9:49 AM EST
Pathetic excuse by London Mayor Sadiq Khan who had to think fast on his "no reason to be alarmed" statement. MSM is working hard to sell it!
Jun 5, 2017 · 9:25 AM CST
Sounds like someone is jealous of a leader who actually can think fast. For more on your thought process ...
Jun 30, 2017 · 8:55 AM EST
Watched low rated @Morning_Joe for first time in long time. FAKE NEWS. He called me to stop a National Enquirer article. I said no! Bad show
Jun 30, 2017 · 12:37 PM CST
Thanks to you, the show's already high ratings were even higher today. For an example of a low rating, click here: https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/trump-approval-ratings/….
Aug 7, 2017 · 7:18 AM EST
Hard to believe that with 24/7 #Fake News on CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, NYTIMES & WAPO, the Trump base is getting stronger!
Aug 8, 2017 · 1:38 PM CST
Pretending to be two people by talking to yourself on Twitter (again) doesn't mean the "base" is expanding, sir.
Aug 7, 2017 · 8:01 AM EST
...conquests, how brave he was, and it was all a lie. He cried like a baby and begged for forgiveness like a child. Now he judges collusion?
Aug 8, 2017 · 1:50 PM CST
For what it's worth, Mr. President, I judge your collusion to be sloppy but entertaining. (Thank you for finally 'fessing up, by the way.)
Aug 8, 2017 · 7:11 AM EST
I will be holding a major briefing on the Opioid crisis, a major problem for our country, today at 3:00 P.M. in Bedminster, N.J.
Aug 8, 2017 · 2:03 PM CST
"FOX & FRIENDS also just said United Airlines murdered a dog, so I'll be holding a major briefing on that major problem too. #ruffstuff"
Aug 17, 2017 · 2:45 PM EST
Study what General Pershing of the United States did to terrorists when caught. There was no more Radical Islamic Terror for 35 years!
Aug 18, 2017 · 12:31 PM CST
Fast-forward to 115 years from now: "Study what President Trump of the United States did. There was no more United States."
Apr 13, 2018 · 8:01 AM EST
James Comey is a proven LEAKER & LIAR. Virtually everyone in Washington thought he should be fired for the terrible job he did-until he was, in fact, fired. He leaked CLASSIFIED information, for which he should be prosecuted. He lied to Congress under OATH. He is a weak and.....
Apr 13, 2018 · 1:45 PM CST
Weren't those Russian prostitutes proven leakers five years ago? I don't see you condemning them. (If they told you, "Camera add 20 pounds to your manly physique, Mr. 'Apprentice,'" then they're proven liars too.)
Jun 26, 2018 · 8:17 AM EST
A Harley-Davidson should never be built in another country-never! Their employees and customers are already very angry at them. If they move, watch, it will be the beginning of the end - they surrendered, they quit! The Aura will be gone and they will be taxed like never before!
Jun 26, 2018 · 12:53 PM CST
This 1984 Serge Gainsbourg song is probably the closest you're going to get to agreeing with the French on something: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc6tt9vkHEY.
Jun 26, 2018 · 10:40 AM EST
SUPREME COURT UPHOLDS TRUMP TRAVEL BAN. Wow!
Jun 26, 2018 · 1:09 PM CST
DONALD TRUMP IS PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Wow! Sigh. Uggghhh ...
Monday, September 28, 2020
Any first graders out there who know the difference between "then" and "than"? If you do, then you're one step ahead of Donald Trump Jr.
Do you also know that there's only one president of the United States? I'm not sure Trump II: The Revenge does—his mention of "a president of the United States" makes me worry about his comprehension of basic facts. (Which means he's a chip off the old block, of course.)
And do you know that DJT2: SOB has accused his father's competition for (the) president, former Vice President Joe Biden, of being a pedophile? Yet here he is on Twitter, casually mentioning that he knows first graders.
As children tend to say, he who smelt it dealt it.(One of Trump Jr.'s daughters is currently in first grade, I believe. If she's running for class president, I guess it's sweet that daddy dearest is offering her free campaign advice, but did she ever think to ask if Karl Rove is available?)
Monday, March 9, 2020
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Among other revelations, the actress shared that she discovered Kutcher was "caught cheating" from a Google Alert on her cellphone. San Diego-based administrative assistant Sara Leal shared intimate details of her interactions with Kutcher, which took place in 2011 during the actor's marriage to Moore, in an interview with Us Weekly. (Kutcher and Moore wed in 2005 and finalized their divorce in 2013.)
Moore told Sawyer that she immediately called Kutcher and "asked if it was true." Moore went on to say that Kutcher "admitted it right away." She recounted, "And I think my response was, 'Are you fucking kidding me?' That was it. And I think I could barely take a breath" ...
Demi Moore is a string that's most definitely attached. She is the one on her husband Ashton Kutcher's mind when he does a sex scene in a movie ...
"There is so much that's not said about sex in our country," he says. "I do a lot of work on human trafficking. I connect with girls who end up in this trade partially because of lack of education about sex" ...
Kutcher says that there is no issue with his actress wife when it comes to onscreen romance with others.
Do 22-year-old administrative assistants count, even if you have sex with them on the sixth anniversary of your wedding to Demi Moore (according to the administrative assistant in question, who, unfortunately for Kutcher, didn't leave much unsaid about sex when speaking to Us Weekly)? Sara Leal is a human, after all, who probably had to fight San Diego traffic on occasion in order to get to work on time.
The syndicated Sun-Times puff piece quoted above centered on No Strings Attached, a romantic comedy pairing Kutcher and Natalie Portman as friends with benefits. It debuted in theaters six months before Friends With Benefits, starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, and eight months before Kutcher demonstrated how much he valued his friendship with his wife by immediately confessing that he'd connected with a human who's sat in traffic.
No Strings Attached earned $70 million at the domestic box office, about $15 million more than Friends With Benefits, but the latter won the international race in a photo finish with a total of $149.5 million, about $300,000 more than the former. And Kutcher began dating Kunis, his former That '70s Show costar, the following year — they got married in 2015 — because listening to non-celebrity humans complain about traffic gets old real fast.
Saturday, August 10, 2019
You'd better come on in my kitchen
Baby, it's going to be rainin' outdoors
But now my kitchen's full of people I've never seen before
You say you met them online to talk about amour
And now they're takin' their clothes off, they're startin' to sweat
It ain't rainin' in my kitchen, but the floor sho' is wet