I often pronounce the word "route" as "root."

But "route" is the wrong word in the call to action below, unless the writer means that one can reroute the good guys of the Star Wars galaxy by firing glowing plastic darts in their direction. I'm a coward, so that strategy would work on me, but I don't know about the Rebel Alliance.

"Rout," not "route"—you're in a rut, writer, but you'll right yourself soon enough.

From 100 to 0 in one paragraph ...

There are two errors in the final paragraph of this article from Macon, Georgia's The Telegraph, my hometown newspaper, that a spell-check tool probably wouldn't have caught—"movies stars" should be "movie stars," "in the box office" should be "at the box office"—but "movies star" Vin Diesel might argue that a third error trumps the others: he's given third billing for the latest sequel of a franchise he's headlined since 2001 (minus the first and second sequels, for the sake of accuracy).

P.S. You though you spelled everything correctly, but ...

Even beasts need a daily dose of vitamin "C."

It's March, which means it's time to celebrate mental illness brought about by college athletics. But it's also time for another update from my friend and fellow improviser Michael on the state of the English language in signs and packaging created by people who probably didn't grow up speaking English. (In case you're wondering, there's no political subtext here—I won't be moving to Arizona anytime soon.)

Last December Michael moved from Chicago to Los Angeles, where a bag of "dehydrated crush hot chili" was all set to transform into the Antichrist on December 16, 2010, but it looks like nothing happened. Maybe the manufacturer (who's maybe Mayan) meant to write "12/21/2012" instead? Stay tuned.

As for the following product's power to fight off scurvy, Michael said, "I guess the use of quotation marks permits advertising a negligible amount." Indeed!

"Boldy" is my new favorite typo.

"Throughout the film's production, [20th Century Fox chairman Bill] Mechanic—especially Mechanic—had taken on the pressure with a wavering composure. He had stood up for Fight Club as boldy as he could, but after this screening, he knew that if this baby didn't fly, there might be a huge career price to pay."

—from chapter 12 of What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line (2002) by Art Linson, producer of Fight Club, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and Into the Wild but not Jodie Foster's The Beaver, which is "boldy original," according to People magazine

Please and Liquor

Thanks to my friend and fellow improviser Michael, who's currently traveling and performing in and around the Gulf of Mexico, I've learned what Please has been up to lately.

Thoughtful as always, Please. Michael also informed me that our mutual friend (and enemy) Liquor has gone into business.

Great Moments in the History of Bad Proofreading

A playbill isn't just a desolate landscape filled with random names and credits and people thanking their pets for supporting their artistic dreams. It's also a minefield laced with bad proofreading and faulty logic! Here's a favorite of mine from the playbill of a community-theater musical I saw in 1995:

In her spare time she loves to write plays and hopes to one day write her own play.

Turn the lights down. It's time to get romatic.

An ad for 30 Rock during tonight's episode of The Office flashed these phrases across the screen to describe the show's main character, Liz Lemon (Tina Fey):

PROFESSIONALLY GIFTED

ROMATICALLY CHALLENGED

"Romatically"?!?! Is no one looking at these promos before they're broadcast across the nation? Just pick up the phone and call me, NBC! I only charge $1,000 an hour!

On an episode of 30 Rock a few weeks ago, there was a quick scene featuring the French owner of Cristal saying how much he hated hip-hop music. His dialogue was subtitled, and the word "appreciate" was spelled as "appreicate."

Like I said, NBC, call me. You've got some problems. You've also got lots of cash. Let's help each other. (By the way, don't think I don't notice that John Krasinski is wearing a wig on The Office these days. Now I want to know why he's wearing that wig.)