Even beasts need a daily dose of vitamin "C."

It's March, which means it's time to celebrate mental illness brought about by college athletics. But it's also time for another update from my friend and fellow improviser Michael on the state of the English language in signs and packaging created by people who probably didn't grow up speaking English. (In case you're wondering, there's no political subtext here—I won't be moving to Arizona anytime soon.)

Last December Michael moved from Chicago to Los Angeles, where a bag of "dehydrated crush hot chili" was all set to transform into the Antichrist on December 16, 2010, but it looks like nothing happened. Maybe the manufacturer (who's maybe Mayan) meant to write "12/21/2012" instead? Stay tuned.

As for the following product's power to fight off scurvy, Michael said, "I guess the use of quotation marks permits advertising a negligible amount." Indeed!

Please and Liquor

Thanks to my friend and fellow improviser Michael, who's currently traveling and performing in and around the Gulf of Mexico, I've learned what Please has been up to lately.

Thoughtful as always, Please. Michael also informed me that our mutual friend (and enemy) Liquor has gone into business.