More televised vapidity?

"Can't get no music on my MTV / Can't tell my emotions from reality ..." —The Silver Seas, "The Best Things in Life," 2010

People my age have long complained that MTV doesn't show music videos like it used to, concentrating on reality programming like The Real World and Jersey Shore instead. I used to complain right back at them that it does, just not during prime-time hours or anytime when they happened to be watching. But at some point I stopped paying attention, and this year the network finally dropped "Music Television" from its logo, which implies that they really have given up on videos.

Does this mean the network will stop airing its ultrahyped Video Music Awards telecast each year? Of course not! As long as videos are still shown between 3 and 9 AM each day, MTV can justify throwing a party to honor the best of the year.

It will, however, begin producing more scripted programs, according to the June 14 Wall Street Journal, in an attempt to move away from its recent glut of disposable reality shows. (It'd be fun to compile a list of how many MTV has churned out in the past decade—I'd guess most didn't make it past ten episodes.) Naturally, it's taking baby steps to begin with: the Wall Street Journal reports that "in 'Warren the Ape,' the title character is a poorly behaved celebrity who hopes an MTV reality show will revive his career."

Like AMC, formerly known as American Movie Classics, and TLC, which was once the Learning Channel, MTV is now just an acronym that means nothing. Some would say that makes it FUBAR, but any channel that can survive for almost 30 years in a rapidly expanding cable universe deserves the benefit of the doubt.

antidefamation defamers

In Monday's Chicago Sun-Times the wildly popular, heavily spray-tanned MTV reality show Jersey Shore was called "nothing more but a 'Sopranos' for teenagers" by Robert Allegrini, the vice president of communications for Hilton Hotels in North and South America and "a major player in various Italian-American groups" that protest cultural stereotypes in movies and TV shows, according to the Sun-Times.

I haven't seen Jersey Shore, which reportedly follows the exploits of underachieving, fame-seeking twentysomethings who drink a lot, then argue and/or hook up with each other. (Sooo, pretty much like The Real World ever since that 2002 season set in Las Vegas?) But to compare it to The Sopranos, one of the richest, most entertaining TV series ever created, is an insult. In fact I'd say it's defamation—and anti-defamers who defame disgust me!

I'll cut Allegrini some slack, though, since he's employed by a company whose profits have allowed Paris Hilton to never have to worry about getting a "real" job. Underachieving fame seekers probably aren't his favorite kind of people.

how to interview a rock star like a rock star

In the November 15, 2007, issue of the Sacramento News & Review, Josh Fernandez interviewed heavy metal singer Sebastian Bach about his career, including his time as the frontman for Skid Row and his new solo album, Angel Down. Here are some uncorrected excerpts:

You know, Angel Down gives me the same feeling as the first time I put on Mötley Crüe's Too Fast for Love.

Oh wow! Really?

Yeah, dude, right when the song "Angel Down" came on I was like, "Holy Shit!"

Yeaaahhhhhhh! Hahaha! Well, the song "Angel Down" is great. It makes you turn your stereo up because the intro is quiet, so you're like, "What's goin' on?" Then it's like, fuckin', "Boooooom! It's over!"

Yeah!

It kicks your ass! I made it like that, dude—for me. I'm trying to make an album that you can put in your iPod next to Slave to the Grind and fucking it makes sense. And that's not easy.

Would you be pissed if someone said that Angel Down is better than anything Skid Row has ever done?

Would I be pissed? I'd kiss the motherfucker!

Oh shit.

[A few songs later in Fernandez's set list ...]

I was reading in an interview when I think you were 20-something. You were like, "When I'm 39, my voice will be at its peak." [Bach is now 39.]

Is that what I said?

Yeah dude. And you're like, "I'm gonna' have long-ass hair like Crystal Gayle."

Ha! No way!

And finally, you're like, "and I'm still going to be rocking!"

That's right!

And you still are, dude!

That's totally true! And my hair is getting back to fucking Crystal Gayle level here. I'm on track!

Good.

[Now for the power ballad that shows off Fernandez's vulnerable side ...]

You know, when I heard "Falling Into You," I think I fell in love with you a little bit.

Ahhhhhh!!!! [Pause] That's OK!

Ha, does that make you uncomfortable?

That's fine with me. No. I wrote it with Desmond Child. I know he wouldn't be uncomfortable about it.

When you were approached by MTV with Celebrity Rap Superstar, were you kind of bummed out at first?

I kinda just rolled my eyes. My attitude is kind of like, "Uh, is this what you want? This is what you want? It's what you want, right? Here. Here you go." Phhhhhesh.

Jesus.

Like, that is my attitude. I've been doing television shows for MTV for 20 years—this is another one of them. That's what that is. You know?

[En-core! En-core!]

You're the best dude.

Thanks, buddy.

He's not so bad after all.

From the Associated Press:

Kanye West blames MTV for Britney Spears' less than stellar performance at the Video Music Awards. "Man, they were just trying to get ratings, and they knew she wasn't ready and they exploited her," the 29-year-old rapper said Tuesday on Sirius Satellite Radio's "The Morning Mash Up."

I think it's great that West is standing up for a fellow performer. He knows what a tough racket the music business can be and how MTV tends to eat its young after milking popular artists for all they're worth. I used to think you were a typical conceited, insecure rapper, Kanye, but now I see there's much more to— I'm sorry, did I interrupt you? Please continue ...

The network made a "bad move" by having the troubled pop star open Sunday's event in Las Vegas, said West, who feels he should have kicked off the show with "Stronger," the first single from his new album, "Graduation."

Oh.

Never mind.