Awards are meaningless, so why shouldn't their names be meaningless too?

I noticed recently that someone I briefly knew 20 years ago calls himself an "Emmy-winning writer" on his website. But his Emmy—a local Emmy, from what I can tell—is for a children's TV show produced somewhere in the midwest.

That's why I now demand that everyone refer to me as an Ermy-winning writer.

What's an Ermy, you ask?

Whoopee Goldbird, yet another illustrious EGOD winner

An award you don't have, obviously.

I'm actually an EGOD winner: Ermy, Granny, Ozkar, and Dony. Yep, just me, Mike Nickels, Marvin Hamlet, Audrey Heartburn, Pat Morita Moreno, and a few awe-inspiring others.

I'm in good fictional company.