pencils (pt. 2)

More on pencils ...

I don't care for the colored kind. And before you say, "Oh, I see where this is going," let me reassure you this isn't some kind of anti-Bush rant. I love Bush. And before you say, "Well, no, that's not where I thought you were going, but now I see where this new tangent is going," let me offer some advice: ease up on the italics. Yeesh.

Okay, more on pencils, since I got sidetracked thanks to you ...

I use regular pencils at work as well as blue "col-erase" pencils. If I was trapped on a desert island with only those blue pencils, it wouldn't be pretty. I don't care how sharp they might be when I arrive on the island—trust me, they don't write as well. Their points become dull much faster than regular pencils', and it takes longer to write words with them. Blue "col-erase" pencils are the Bic "round stic" pens of the pencil world. That may sound harsh, and maybe you're a fan of Bic "round stic" pens, but who has time to retrace every letter when labeling a Maxell cassette cover? Not me. I live in the twenty-first century, thank you very much. (Now, that's how you use italics.)

Maybe it's because I'm left-handed, and that's why I can't get as much out of a Bic as other people can. I sometimes see right-handed parents and their children in the park enjoying their Bics, or young right-handed lovers enjoying their Bics behind half-closed miniblinds, and, I admit, I get a little jealous. But seriously, Bic "round stic" pens are no match for my Pilot V-Ball Grip pen. It's unstoppable. And it won't let just anyone use it. Yessir, you have to go all the way to Office Depot to get one. That's how you know it means business.

By the way, the regular pencils I use are Mirado Black Warriors. Can your generic pencil touch a name like that? Maybe if you have some of those NFL pencils from my childhood that say "Los Angeles Rams" or "St. Louis Cardinals" on the side and are adorned with team colors. Man, those were so awesome. And I didn't even like football. Still don't.

Okay, tell you what—if you own some of those pencils, you win. But when the Utah Black Warriors begin their NFL dynasty in 2016, we'll see who's laughing.