Saturday, June 10, 2006

tear 'n' share

It looks like the good people at Mars Inc. have gotten rid of the "king size" label for the bag of M&M's that you buy when you've decided 37.1 grams of milk chocolate isn't going to be enough (I'm not judging—I buy the king-size bag far too often) and replaced it with "tear 'n' share." Is this an attempt on their part to appear more health-conscious to consumers? ("You don't need all those M&M's in your belly. Give some to your friends, fattie!")

So you're suggesting I share some of these M&M's. With who? You mean the guy outside of White Hen, who, when I told him I didn't have any spare change for food, saw the sandwich I'd just bought and yelled, "Hey, buddy, to you it's a snack, but I'm starving!" (It's okay to yell at people who politely deny you money when you're in a wheelchair, because who's going to get in an argument with someone in a wheelchair? That's a no-win situation, unless there's a flight of stairs nearby.) Actually, sir, that sandwich wasn't a snack—it was my dinner. In your face! Second, weren't you smoking a cigarette before I went into White Hen? Yeah, you were. Priorities, priorities! Nutrition or nicotine—what's it gonna be? Therefore I don't need to share my M&M's with you. I'd hate to contribute to the rotting of your teeth. I'd rather just focus on the rotting of my own.

1 comment:

  1. Tear 'N' Share: When is became more important to promote stupidity over a healthy lifestyle.

    By the way, its always okay to yell at people in wheelchairs as long as you're not yelling about their disabilities.