Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Thank you, South Korea!

Apparently South Korea—you know, the good Korea—named a beer after me. You're the best, Asian country cousins!

Friday, April 18, 2008

You can't have sex when you're dead (though people can still have sex with you).

From IMDB's news page:

The revelation by Sex and the City's costar Cynthia Nixon that one of the principal characters will die in the theatrical version, due out on May 30, has touched off a wildfire of speculation on Internet blogs about who the character will be. Rumors that a character would be killed off had been circulating for months. When asked about them at the ShoWest convention in Las Vegas last month, another costar, Sarah Jessica Parker, predicted that people will be "very surprised" by what they see on screen. "There's a seriousness about something that happens in this movie," she added, without directly responding to the question. She added that she thought that writer-director Michael Patrick King "wrote the role of a lifetime for me." Bloggers have speculated about each of the female leads as well as Mr. Big.

What I'm wondering is, why can't they all be stomped into the ground by that monster from Cloverfield?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

snafu

I had no idea until the other day that the word snafu began as an acronym in World War II that stood for "situation normal all fucked up." Now I'm wondering if Fubar, the Star Wars character name I was given by my childhood friends, had a double meaning.

But let me tell you about a snafu in terms of Philly soul, the subgenre of music I love so much
. I recently heard Teddy Pendergrass's "Turn Off the Lights" for the first time in a very long time. It was written by Philadelphia International Records maestros Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff, but it's not one of their better songs. I doubt they consider it one of their crowning achievements, either, but it's hard not to wince at the following lyrics:

Let's take a shower, shower together
I'll wash your body and you'll wash mine, yeah
Rub me down in some hot oils, baby
And I'll do the same thing to you

Just turn off the lights, come to me
Girl, I wanna give you a special treat, you're so sweet
Turn off the lights and let's get cozy
See, you're the only one in the world that I need

You can write better lyrics than those for the Teddy Bear, K-Jee and El-H!
(Plus the rhyming of "treat" and "sweet" in this sort of R&B number, followed by Teddy making a kissing noise, is too cute—either you talk dirty or you don't.) What the world needs nowand what it needed even in 1979was subtlety. "Turn Off the Lights" was made for the Quiet Storm, after all, not the Loud 'n' Tacky, Cologne-on-the-Crotch Storm. Some say that kind of storm could signal the end of days, so let's not push it. Teddy, on the other hand, can push it all he wants after he and his special lady "Close the Door," but I don't need to hear about itor hear the words to "Turn Off the Lights"ever again.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Oh! Rats!

Tonight as I was walking home from work I saw the following sign next to the sidewalk:

DOG WASTE ATTRACTS AND FEEDS RATS

That's disgusting—calling attention to rats' junk-food preferences in such a public manner. I doubt the rats are proud of themselves for eating dog waste, but to say they're attracted to it? There's no need to bring sexual fetishes into this discussion. No need at all.