Here's a survey I wasted time filling out today, but I mean that in the best sense possible, since I love wasting time filling out these pointless surveys. And when I say "pointless," what I mean is ... well, you know.
Go to your music player of choice and put it on "shuffle." Say the following questions aloud and press "play." Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.
(My iPod is only half full, but let's get started anyway ...)
1. How does the world see me?
"Pass Me By," Pete Yorn. (We're off to a great start!)
2. Will I have a happy life?
"(You Caught Me) Smilin'," Sly and the Family Stone. (Okay, now we're back on track.)
3. What do my friends really think of me?
"Friday Let Me Down," Hall & Oates. (Fuck you too, Robinson Crusoe!)
4. Do people secretly lust after me?
"Rolling in the Sand," Papas Fritas. (Sex on the beach is messy. Lust after me indoors, please.)
5. How can you be happy?
"Never Give Up on a Good Thing [Live]," George Benson. (I will be happy if I never give up. Fair enough.)
6. What should I do with my life?
"Adam 'n Eve 'n Eve," Raul Midon. (Apparently I should marry two lesbians, according to the theme song from Spike Lee's She Hate Me.)
7. Why must life be so full of pain?
"C'est la Vie," Robbie Nevil. ('Nuff said.)
8. Will I ever have children?
"Changes," Tahiti 80. ('Nuff said.)
9. Will I die happy?
"Sexy M.F.," Prince and the New Power Generation. (Women will eulogize me in their own unique and inappropriate way.)
10. What is some good advice for me?
"Reptilia," the Strokes. (Don't be a snake. Or do. It's hard to say based on the song title, and I can't remember any of the lyrics right now.)
11. What is happiness?
"Do You Wanna Get Funky With Me," Peter Brown. (Happiness is a great disco song from the '70s that I had never heard until recently.)
12. What's my favorite fetish?
"Travelling Without Moving," Jamiroquai. (Y'all know me—I've never met a hallucinogen I didn't like.)
13. How will I be remembered?
"Let's Stay Together," Isaac Hayes. (I will be remembered for divorcing a record number of women. Irony, I love you!)
14. What is your love life like?
"An Innocent Man," Billy Joel. (God, how true that is. Fuck you, iPod, you know me too well.)
15. What is sex with you like?
"Sleep Better," Pete Yorn. (Okay, you're back in my good graces now, iPod ... as long as you're saying women sleep better after they've had sex with me as opposed to sleep being a better experience than sex with me ... That is what you're saying, right?)
16. What's your life motto?
"International Feel," Todd Rundgren. (My motto is: I will find you and feel you no matter where you live.)
17. How does your crush/S.O. feel about you?
"My Love," Paul McCartney & Wings. (My crush/significant other really digs me. Or, rather, she would if she existed.)
18. What is your wedding going to be like?
"Work to Do," Vanessa Williams. (My wedding will be a piece of cake, HAHAHAHA!!!! Sigh.... My wedding will include a cover of an Isley Brothers classic, but it will unfortunately be overshadowed by a scandalous photo spread in Penthouse, causing me to relinquish my title as 1984's Miss America.)
19. What about your honeymoon?
"Heather," Paul McCartney. (My honeymoon will be ruined by my sister-in-law for some reason. My first honeymoon anyway.)
20. Describe the last day of your life.
"Black Devil Car," Jamiroquai. (My last day on earth will apparently involve a fatal auto accident brought about by antiquated racial slurs.)
21. Why does life suck?
"Starting All Over Again," Mel & Tim. (Because the good times never last, that's why.)
22. Why does life rule?
"I Could Write a Book," Harry Connick Jr. (Because the memories of the good times you had with the people you love will always be with you.)
23. What will you be famous for?
"Free Again," Alex Chilton. (Like I said, divorcing a record number of women. Woo-hoo!)